A List a Day

The Flab Five
Men's Fitness has posted its annual list of the nation's 25 Fattest Cities, and it looks like it's only fitting that the Detroit Tigers are on the verge of signing a free agent affectionately known as Pudge, because the Mo in Motown now stands for morbidly obese. Rounding out the top five are a trio of Texans--Houston, Dallas, and San Antonio--and our beloved hometown, Chicago. For balance, there's also a list of the Fittest Cities, with Honolulu topping the charts.

Link via Chicago's very own Gaper's Block, which alas also links to the sad news reported first by the Trib's Eric Zorn yesterday--the Magikist lips are gone.>

Pulling the Plug on Booglaoo
Bunsen has a terrific take on why we must all retire the "[INSERT MOVIE TITLE HERE] 2: Electric Booglaoo" joke used for so many years and for such great comedic effect as shorthand for a lame sequel. To illustrate, he includes the following list of Other Unfortunate Sequel Titles utilizing "Electric Boogaloo" as a Punchline:

--Judgment at Nuremberg 2: Electric Boogaloo
--2 Fast 2 Furious 2: Electric Booglaoo
--Krush Groove 2: Electric Boogaloo
--Female Genital Mutilation 2: Electric Booglaoo
--Schindler's List 2: Electric Boogaloo
--Gwen Stefani's Totally Trying to be an Actress 2: Electric Boogaloo
--Breakin' 3: Electric Boogaloo

As a replacement joke he suggests the "Die Hard" strategy of amplifying the title for the sequel ("Die Harder" or "Cold Mountain" becomes "Colder Mountain"), but I think a simple "On the Move" following the title in honor of the sequel to "Mannequin" might just do the trick.
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New England-Carolina on My Mind
We've been neglecting the Big Game on Sunday because, frankly, the New England-Carolina matchup leaves us, like most, wanting. Still, there's so,e great list-making going on out there in regard to the Super Bowl, and we have a duty to perform.

Under the posit that the Panthers are the most anonymous team in the NFL, Slate offers up the 10 Moments in Carolina History. Also at Slate, the uniformly brilliant Paul Lukas of Beer Frame Journal examines the evolving Patriots uniforms over the years. Incredibly, not only is this New England's fourth Super Bowl appearance, but the Pats have worn three different uniform designs in those appearance, a Super Bowl record.

ESPN's Page 2, of course, has some Super Bowl lists, including a list of the Top 10 Super Subs, with Washington's Doug Williams, then and now a black quarterback, at No. 1. Also, it's been around for awhile, but ESPN's list of the Top 100 Super Bowl Moments is impressive nonetheless. No. 100, by the way, addresses Williams' skin color. And if you are ranking the Super Bowls by memorable moments, Super Bowl X (Steelers 21, Cowboys 17) and Super Bowl XXIII (49ers 20, Bengals 16) tie for the top with six memorable moments apiece. Incredibly, both Super Bowl VIII (Dolphins 24, Vikings 7) and Super Bowl IX (Steelers 16, Vikings 6) rate not a single memorable moment.

Down in Houston for the game and you have some extra time on your hands? Sports Illustrated has a list of 15 Tourist Attractions in what is the nation's fourth biggest city. Curiously, the Enron headquarters don't make the list. And SI's Statitudes has a look at the Super Bowl by the Numbers.

USA Today has a list of 10 Houston Watering Holes where the ticketless will congregate for Sunday's game.

And finally, we know all you care about is the commercials, so here's a list of this year's Super Bowl Advertisers. Incidentally, did you know that you can now bet on which commercial will get the highest ranking in the USA Today's annual morning-after poll?>

Weapons of Mass Delusion
In light the recent comments made by chief weapons inspector David Kay, who by not finding evidence of WMD's in Iraq will not be eligible for a pink Cadillac, USA Today has a list of George W. Bush's evolving pronouncements about the Iraqi weapons program. Overall Bush is starting to sound about as sincere on this subject as Cleveland Indians minor leaguer Kazuhito Tadano does about his former career.>

You Can't Spell Crap Without Car
I was somewhat disappointed to not see the Chevy Citation, the car on which I was ushered into the motoring class, make the cut for Forbes.com's list of the Worst Cars of All Time. >

Just a Small Town General, Campaigning in a Lonely World
The Washington Post publishes a list of the Democratic candidates' musical favorites, which includes the startling confession from Wesley Clark that despite dropping an Outkast reference in his Rock the Vote commercial, when he really wants to get into the groove, it's Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" and not "Hey Ya" that he dials up on his IPod.

Link via Travelers Diagram.>

Oscar Trivia
Here's a list of tidbits and nuggets about this morning's nominations. One they missed: the cold shoulder the Academy gave to "Cold Mountain" means this is the first time since 1991 that Miramax has not had a Best Picture nominee. >

Oscar, Schmoscar
Uncle Grambo has finally weighed in on his list of the best films of 2003. This has to be the only top 10 list to include Oscar-nominated fare such as "In America" and "Lost in Translation" alongside such art-house faves as "House of 1,000 Corpses" and "Final Desitination 2.">

And the Nominees Are...
Radiohead, The Darkness, The White Stripes...WTF, oh, this is the NME Music Awards Shortlist.

Here is a full list of the Academy Award nominations (and no Jack White wasn't nominated here, too). Early must-see moment, Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara reprising their roles as Mitch and Mickey to sing the Oscar-nominated song "A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" from "A Mighty Wind.">

Breakin' 3: Papal Boogaloo
Mel, next time maybe you should have your protagonist do a little buttspin before he is nailed to the cross.>

Sex? No Thanks, I've Got to Pick Up My Mom's Dry Cleaning
For years, bored teens faced with no better alternatives have turned to sexual intercourse to relieve the mind-numbing tedium that comes with not yet having reached your third decade. Thankfully, a team of social scientists in the employ of Guideposts for Teens, have, after countless hours of research, compiled a list that should virtually eliminate any getting it on before 20. Among the alternatives to s-e-x, they suggest in their remarkably frank and mature list entitled 100 Things to Do With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend...Instead of It (upon first glance we were hoping to learn some unique masturbation tips, too, but no luck) are the following alternatives:

17. Take your grandparents out for dinner at a fast food restaurant.
41. Visit sick people in the hospital.
48. Head to Wal-Mart to try on shoes in styles you'd never buy.
65. Get dressed up really nice and go to McDonald's.
78. Run errands for your parents.
91. Play baseball without a bat or ball.
97. Make rock videos.

Link via Fimoculous.
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Hot XXX Action, as Seen on Oprah: Work From Home, Get Bigger, and Get Out of Debt with the Lowest Insurance and Mortgage Rates by Getting Your Online Degree from an Online Pharmacy selling Viagra
According to AOL, these are the Top 10 Spam Subject Lines.>

Someone Is Killing the Great Morning Kids' Show Hosts of My Youth
First there was the sad news that Ray Rayner had gone to the visit the great Cuddley Dudley in the sky and then comes word that Captain Kangaroo has gone down with the ship.>

Happy Pie Day!
There's a Baker's Dozen Ways to Celebrate at the American Pie Council site, to which we'd like to add: No. 14. Watch a double feature of "Twin Peaks" and "Basic Instinct."
Seriously, if you want some great, great pie, you could do worse than Crane's in Fennville, Mich., Betty's Pies in Two Harbors, Minn., or the Norske Nook in Osseo, Wisc.>

Directing Traffic
A couple of our favorite bloggers have big and new exciting projects, so we thought we do our part and guide you dozen or so hapless regulars here at ALAD their way.

The Antic Muse has morphed into the Wonkette, basically a Gawker for D.C., a town which we have a soft spot for after living there for four months in the early days of Clinton Administration, in theory advancing our journalism education, but for all intents and purposes trying to find cheap beer and free food, which in retrospect was all the training as a journalist we needed.

Daniel Radosh, meanwhile, is expanding his horizons beyond exposing the prudishness of the New Yorker’s Cartoon Bank, and has some role in VH1's latest project (and really, once you have reunited Kajagoogoo, what's left?), Best Week Ever, which he describes as "I Love Last Week."
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Live by the Net, Die by the Net
Howard Dean was the first presidential candidate to effectively use the Internet, by just as she giveth, she taketh away. Back in the day, his now infamous geography lesson cum pep rally cum terradactyl impression would have been fodder for jokes for a few days or at least by the time "Saturday Night Live" got around to it. Not so in this day and age, where faster than you can say Paris Hilton Sex Tape people have taken his "speech" and created their very own Dean remixes, setting excerpts to music like Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train." There's an entire list of mixes here at Dean Goes Nuts. (Which, I'm guessing is not a sly reference to the the fourth Love Bug movie, 1980's "Herbie Goes Bananas," because, in fact, Dean Jones, having just starred as Watergate figure Charles Colson and trying to distance himself from his most famous role, chose not to participate in the film, leaving leading man duties Charles Martin Smith).

Well, at least Dean is showing he has a sense of humor about the whole thing.

Link via the new VH1 show/blog thingy Best Week Ever. >

Is This Evidence That John Gray Was Right, Men Truly Are From Mars?
Mars Rover Has 'Serious' Communications Problems
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So the Pope Walks Into a Multiplex...
OK, so maybe the Pope isn't as big a Mel Gibson fan as first reported. (Papal aides did confirm the Pope enjoyed Gibson's voice work in "Chicken Run"). That doesn't mean you can't get your movie-going advice from members of the clergy. The U.S. Bishop's Office for Film and Broadcasting has released its eagerly awaited list of the Top 10 Films of 2003.

On the other end of the film criticism scale, Film Comment has a list of 2003's Guilty Pleasures.

Last link courtesy the Bynes-lovin' Uncle Grambo.>

More Drunk in Ohio
Apparently, the only drumming residents of the Buckeye State have been hearing lately is that of their temples beating after another night downing Jagermeister.
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Mendacious Miss and Civil Charleston
Is there any more worthless list than the typical “America’s Most ____ Cities” or “The Top 10 Most ____ States”? Probably not, that won’t keep us from reporting that Mississippi was recently named the U.S.’s Most Corrupt State, while Charleston was named the Union’s Best Mannered City.

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A Bad Day for the Deans
First Iowa, then this.>

Latte Lucre
The Economist has come up with a complement for its famed Big Mac Index, The Tall Latte Index, which list the average price of said drink at Starbucks locations across the globe. Incidentally, that $2.80 latte in Bangor will only cost you $1.93 in Bangkok, but in Switzerland the same drink will set you back $4.54.>

It's the Hootie Endorsement, Stupid
As Iowan Democrats head to the polls, or whatever it is they are doing tonight in those caucuses, many probably have yet to make up their minds about who to support. As a public service, not only to those in the Hawkeye state but to all voters, Slate has rounded up a list of the the lamest press releases of the 2004 campaign, which includes such attention grabbers as "FORMER HAWAII LT. GOVERNOR MAZIE HIRONO ENDORSES JOHN EDWARDS FOR PRESIDENT" and "Senior Keene City Councilman Randy Filiault Endorses John Kerry."

And speaking of politics, if you're curious why our current president is so busy raising funds for his primary campaign against nobody, apparently its so every person who attended his recent Kickoff '04 Bush rally in New Orleans could leave with 50 Bush-Cheney '04 mini footballs, hats, T-shirts and Bush Team Leader brochures.>

Gray Begone Days
With the mystery over the disappearance of actor and monologuist Spalding Gray deepening, Bunsen has leapt into action, compiling a list of Famous Monologuists Whom As of This Writing are Still Not Missing, "so that we can better protect one of America's greatest resources: people that can talk endlessly about their lives without the burden of conversation slowing them down."
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For the Locals...
New City this week has 10 Chicagoans We Love to Hate including Da Coach ("Because of him, we're characterized as bulky, brutish, blue-collar jokes with slicked-back hair and overgrown mustaches", Ira Glass ("When Glass counts off the chapters in the beginning of every show, it's starting to sound like nails on a chalkboard"), Richard Roeper ("It's pure schadenfreude to watch the eager puppy Roeper attempt to form his usually superlative opinion about a film Rog has just weighed in on, like a student squirming before a college instructor in "Film 101," and then watch the Pulitzer Prize winner dismiss him quickly and coolly") and Joan Cusack ("We stopped connecting with Cusack when she zeta-jonesed on us, and by that we mean started pimping for a cell-phone provider, one step lower on the Hollywood evolutionary chain than those 10-10-220 commercials").
Link via Gaper's Block.>

You Wouldn't Change It for a Sack of Gold...
Having just seen a well-intentioned, but ultimately dull musical adapted from a novel on Sunday, got me thinking about what source material composers, lyricists, librettists, etc. are currently mining in search of the of the next big Broadway hit. Adapting a book, film, comic strip or what have you for the musical theater is a risky proposition, after all, for every "The Producers," "Hairspray" and "Annie" that would become the thing of legend, musicals based on "Carrie," the works Dr. Seuss, and "Breakfast at Tiffany's" were utter failures? With that in mind, here's a list of some of the subjects musicals that could be lighting up the Great White Way for years to come:

1. Broom Hilda
2. The Wedding Singer
3. Versace killer Andrew Cunanan
4. Soccer star Diego Maradona
5. The music of John Lennon, the Beach Boys, Rod Stewart and Elvis Presley (four separate show, not one combined effort)
Update: Add "Rocky" to the list--with R. Kelly doing the underage girl score. (Link via Live From Five Minutes Ago.)

Similarly, here is a list of subjects that are not currently slated to be made into musicals:

1. The presidential campaign of Joe Lieberman
2. The Dowd Report
3. Al Molinaro's On-Cor frozen dinner commercials
4. The Ben Stiller-Drew Barrymore comedy "The Duplex"
5. The music of Looking Glass

Thanks to Sarah for the Broom Hilda link.>

Doesn't Anyone F'n Knock?
If you came for 2003's Top 20 Nude Scenes, there you go. But if you are a fan of the classics, you will want to also check out Playboy's
10 Most Memorable Nude Scenes, which covers, or should we say uncovers (on second thought, we shouldn't), the last 20 years or so of the finest cinematic undress. >

It Just Keeps Gettin' Tougher Every Day
Maybe there's a lot of pressure in being a central part of a Steve Miller classic. How else can we explain the fact that Tacoma, Wash., tops the list of the nation's Most-Stressed Cities? The absence, though, of Phoenix, Philadelphia, Atlanta, or L.A. from the top of this list shoots that theory to hell.
Stress was determined, incidentally, by comparing 331 cities' unemployment rate, divorce rate, commute time, violent crime, property crime, suicide rate, alcohol consumption, self-reported "poor mental health" and cloudy days. Looking to loosen your load and take it easy? While you might think Winslow, Arizona, would be the natural choice for most relaxed, actually Albany-Schenectady-Troy in New York and Harrisburg-Lebanon-Carlisle in Pennsylvania tied for being the least stressed. >

Mallorie's Glands
Justine Bateman is just one of the surprising actresses making an appearance on the list of (Warning: NSFW) 2003's Top 20 Nude Scenes. Closing in on 60, Diane Keaton (no relation) gets kudos for showing her knockers, while Meg's melons and Christina's cha-chas also make appearances. Alas, Gwyneth's gazongas only merited an honorable mention. >

The Last Word on 2003
Even with our obsession for lists, we've lost some interest at this point with "Best of 2003" lists by now. So, the links on the right will be disappearing very soon. If though, you need a final look at 2003 retrospective lists, let us point you to Movie City News, which has compiled what looks like some 200 movie critics' best lists. Also, Fimoculous has done an amazing job of compiling "best of" lists in a number of categories. Worth mentioning, too, is this site, which applied a mathematical formula to the music "best of" lists, and this site, which ranks books by how many times they were mentioned on blogs last year.>

Indy's Jones for Winning
Thanks to decent years from the Colts and Pacers, Indianapolis now ranks as the No. 1 sports city in America, according to an intriguing survey done by ESPN's Page 2. Perhaps, the most impressive civic sports feat of 2003 belongs to Boston, which saw all four of its franchises (Bruins, Celts, Sox, and Pats) finish with winning records for the second calendar year in a row, and this despite having Ben Affleck often in attendance. San Diego finished at the bottom, but when you have that kind of weather, who gives a damn. Phoenix was the worst city with franchises in all four major sports. And the Cubbies saved my hometown from finishing in the bottom third.

Speaking of Cubbies, Ryno got jobbed, again, by the Hall voters, but looking over the list of eligible players over the next few seasons, it looks like he should finally get the call in 2005 (only Wade Boggs, by virtue of his 3,000 hits, is a lock) or 2006 (Orel Hershiser had the consecutive scoreless inning streak, but if Jack Morris (Game 7 of the 1991 Series is all his plaque needs to say) doesn't come close, not to mention Tommy John (who deserves to get in just by virtue of having a common surgical procedure now bearing his name) and Bert Blyleven, than no way, despite being the best name to say in the Vin Scully voice, Orel gets the votes). 2007 will be a party, with Mark McGwire, Tony Gwynn, and Cal Ripken all assured entrance. Sandberg, incidentally, was one of a list of nine former Cubs up for the honor this year (Dennis Eckersley, Bruce Sutter, Andre Dawson, Goose Gossage, Lee Smith, Joe Carter, Randy Myers and Bob Tewksbury).

And one last note, please let me know if anyone reads any mea culpas by the three baseball scribes who thought Jim Eisenreich, perhaps the finest player ever with Tourette's, deserved enshrinement.
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"You need, you realize, a list, and in exactly the same way that a drowning sailor needs a life preserver"
The New Yorker's Louis Menand comments on the nature of year-end list-making, taking to task, rightfully so, those critics who don't order their top 10 ("Critics who present their top-ten lists alphabetically are dodging their own bullets. If ten movies are clearly superior to the four hundred and ninety others, why would it be elitist to make further distinctions? If you can get a top ten, why can’t you get a top five, and a top three, and a top one?") and publications for publishing multiple lists (such as The Times' three top 10 movie lists).

Speaking of the New Yorker, having finally gotten to see the third installment of "Lord of the Rings" Saturday night (a 10:10 p.m., showing, incidentally, by myself, after "21 Grams" was sold out earlier in the night and we had bought tickets for a second-run showing of "The Human Stain" only to realize our babysitter would miss her train, stranding her at our house or requiring me to drive her back to the city at midnight; thus we returned the tickets, I dropped my wife at home, and raced to the third movie theater of the night), I have to agree with Anthony Lane when he says of the sequence in which Legolas single-handedly brings down one of those giant elephant thingies: "Unconfirmed reports suggest that this is the coolest single activity ever recorded on film." It was easily the best action sequence since the opening sequence of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
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